More than Meets the Eye

So what, She's partying with mom in LA, and I'm supposed to stay home and cry myself to sleep in front of Red vs. Blue? Hell no. I went to watch Transoformers.

AND IT KICKED TOTAL ASS!

Not not just partial ass. Total ass. There was no ass left unkicked. None.

I can already tell, this is going to be one of those total adrenaline-rush posts where you can't really follow what I'm saying because I'm so totally EXCITED!

It's, like, everything I could hope this movie would be, and then lots more. It's just, just, perfection. The robot designs are incredible, the noises were just right, the transformation effects are SO much cooler than you think, the "dialog" was a wonderful mix of classic Transformers quotes text that actually served the story, such as it was, and most of the old friends were there (no Soundwave, unfortunately. I'm a big Soundwave fan).

I wish someone had a camera to shoot my face during the first 30 minutes of the film, which were some of the most enjoyable minutes I've had in a movie theater (obviously, I've never dated Alanis), and I would then upload them and you wouldn't believe that weren't Photoshopped, because I'm, like, all wide eyes and open mouth going "wow". Yes, I'm totally channeling Laarni. A bit.

Speaking of Laarni, I really wish I'd listened to her viewing tips more carefully. About half way into my Coke, I remembered that she said NOT to get one, because it's a long ass movie, and you don't want to miss any of it. Too late - I was twisting in my seat the entire second half of the movie.

More wishes. I wish that the same person who had that camera would have then used the camera to smash the face of the guy sitting next to me into a thick dark red cereal. He was the loudest, most obnoxious asshole I've seen since that stupid bleached ho that kept answering her phone during the The Two Towers.

But anyway. Transformers - the most fun a guy can have when his wife is out of town.

Megan Fox (thanks Maxim!), though - dangerously close to crossing that "fun" line.